I was talking about how my life stood still when i found out i was not who i thought i was and how everything around me was something else,so i began to perceive in a different light..Though they tried to tell me stories about how my little brother was really given to my mom because of a misfortunate child birth and that the lady had died after she gave birth..my heart accepted the little sibling as my own blood. Every turn in our growing up was interesting..i was like a protector to my baby brother..No one can say anything to him to hurt his feelings as he grew up.
I silenced my doubts that he was more favored and i was neglected in anyway due to the way my mother began to do things around our house. But ,my dad who was a disciplinarian tried to be k8nd and train me as well to become successful in my sports etc,my mother would begin to talk and treat me as if i was a stranger or a girl who was trying to take over her marriage.
Yep,it became a torture each day as my mother had gotten my father to resign from the armed forces..to be with us to raise the son,as a father should be present in just life.
I felt badly for him ,for having to work odd jobs as a veteran soldier is only able to find a job anyway.
He missed his job,and missed being in a dignified respected place,unlike the way my mother treated him here at home..she gave him a hard time..spoke rubbish street language she used to disrespectfully Express herself.
It was even before all this,i began to clearly realize,i was unwanted and a burden to the mother i had l9ved and thought the world about.
My father was in the army and away from home most of the year..except for annual leave off his duty post. So,when he was home i was happy..for he taught me to compete at school in many areas of education and openly showed he was proud of his daughter..but was hen pecked husband,this could never shield me from my mothers wrath.
He really did not witness the beatings which used to be regular and severe..i have blead so many a times..my cousins knew it ,for simetimes they had witnessed the harsh manner she had dealt with me.
Now i understand more of psychology of the mind,then i was saddened and thought i waa unwanted and longed for love .
My uncle and aunts family were my sanctuary, .but..it was short lived,as some ugly things happened as a child ,due to one of my family member who is no more..
Events repeated through a neighbor and still i was the one beaten up,saying” you are lying and you will be apologizing to them”..which made those activities repeat in life.
That was the reason i was so protective of my little brother.
In all this my aunt was with us and things happened when she had to go to the store or run errands i guess. I was too young to know the reason.
These things surfaced in my mind only later in my life,since i was ignored and betrayed by the mother who should have been my guardian,instead let me suffer and blamed me for beimg a burden.
Later when i knew what this was i am glad u was molested and was punished for being a pretty girl.yep.it was because my mother felt ,i was pretty and i was there to compete with her for her husband etc. She wanted to punish me for everything ,from a coffee spill to a broken cup..hmm..
Don’t take me wrong ,she also gave me gifts and brain washed me to believe it was my priviledge to even be alive..
Her famous thing was, she gave a lot of gifts and money to buy me off my birth mother,and i should be grateful and never try to leave her. If i walk down the stairs to go to an event,let alone to school somedays with a flower in my head..she will pull my hair ,beat me up and call me names,saying,who i was going out to school to show my body to..hmm
In reality i shut myself to anyone who made advances to me even if they just said i was pretty ..i was soo scared. But i became a person with thos darks8de hidden inside of me ,because i knew i will be beaten more.day in and out i wanted to just end my life.
I still remember the time i walked to the middle of the street to be hut by the oncoming traffic,many times took poison..but Our Father had had saved me.
I cried and asked why Father is life this way…..
BUT,EVEN HERE MY MOTHER FOUND OUT WHAT I TRIED TO DO,,SO AGAIN..MORE TORTURE..IN WORDS,IN ACTION..EVERY MINUTE OF MY LIFE TURNED OUT TO BE A NIGHTMARE..
ENDING MY LIFE WAS MY PRIORITY..AND MY MIND BEGAN TO LONG FOR A BREAKTHROUGH…YES. I BECSME VERY OUTGOING,EVERYONE SAID,I SHOUOD HAVE BEEN IN A LABD LIKE AMERICA WHERR I COULD SPEAK OUT MY HEART AND DO WHATEVER I THOUGHT IT WAS RIGHT..THEN IT HAPPENED, AFTER ,I HAD FINISHED SCHOOL ALONG WITH WINNING NATION AWARDS FOR EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES AND DANCE THAT I LOVED SO MUCH AND A NATURAL AT IT ,I BECAME MORE AT BEING MISTREATED AND MY MOTHER BEGAN TO GET MY LITTLE BROTHER AND ME SEPARATED IN A WAY IT WAS BETTER FOR THE FUTURE THINGS THAT HAPPENED ..
But,all this made me stronger and as years passed i began to become rebellious and took to seeking true love where i thought i would find it. I made some mistakes and believed everyone who said a nice word or showed some kindness to me,went to help them and ended up being doubly tortured by my mother.
I shared these events as a preview to my next post and my book soon that will be published..only for one reason…
People who adopt kids ,shoukd think twice and assess twice and look at themselves,get the understanding that the infant or the child never asked to be adopted.. it might have been given up or killed or dead whatever might be the outcome..or in an orphanage..but giving hope and raising that child till the infancy was over and then showing your hate and torturing it because …you never wanted to have a kid who never was blood related Oh my, that was the worst thing I would not even wish upon my enemy to endure.
One thing i will say..to all those adopted parents and those adopted kids out where in the world..Remember..everything happens for a reason.never give up you kids,parents never adopt,stay childless if you do not know to adapt the fact ..it might not be your blood running in that kid’s veins..but THE SAME HEAVENLY FATHER IS BOTH YOUR’S AND THAT KID’S CREATOR…YOU ARE RELATED BY THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF OUR SAVIOUR.
I STILL SAY THANK YOU,THOUGH I WAS A NOBODY TO THEM,but I STILL THANK THEM FOR FEEDING ME AND RAISING ME AND SHOWING ME THAT OUR HEAVENLY FATHER IS MY LORD AND HE CARES FOR ME TOO ,THE WORST OUTCAST AND WASTE OF LIFE TO HAVE BEEN BORN..
I KNOW I AM HIS DARLING..EVEN IF I WAS SEEKING AND LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES…..THAT STORY IS FOR ANOTHER POST AND MY BOOK TO FOLLOW.
JUST wanted to say i did suffer i did get out of that nightmare,but i never ill treated anyone or anything .unlike the way i was raised i pray Anyone ,any Adopted parent…please please ADOPT THE FACT OF ADOPTION BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO DO SO.DO NOT DO ANYTHING FOR EMOTIONAL REASONS.
PLEASE CHANGE ..FOR EVERYONE..IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR GOOD……
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